What They Forgot to Teach You at School, The School of Life
Book Club #1
Last week I received a message from a friend who reads this newsletter (👋 Hi Lois!) It was a photo of a book. Had I read it? Would I recommend it? I hadn’t, so I couldn’t.
But it made me realise, I have read a lot of books about mental health and that book reviews and recommendations could be a welcome addition to this newsletter, another string to The Mind Matters bow if you will.
So, every so often, I’ll share what I’ve been reading.
Please do share any books you’ve found useful in the comments. And in time, I’d love to introduce some guest posts so that together, we can create a library of books that have helped our understanding of mental health.
What They Forgot to Teach You at School, The School of Life
I was at school for 14 years and university for four.
There is a lot my 90s/00s education taught me, perhaps most notably how to calculate the length of a triangle’s third side; definitions for scientific processes which included partially permeable membranes; the names of Henry VIII’s wives and how they did or didn’t meet their end. The focus was on academic success, we were marked and graded on what we could regurgitate.
There is also a lot my education didn’t teach me, like understanding myself and others, how to manage relationships, grief and loss. Emotional education was sidelined in preference of traditional, academic endeavours. I was therefore, hugely unprepared on how to answer some of life’s biggest questions and manage some of life’s hardest challenges - who to start a relationship with, how to trust people, how to cope with anxiety and shame.
Enter The School of Life.
Founded in 2008 by a team of writers and educators, including Swiss-born British philosopher Alain de Botton, The School of Life is an organisation dedicated to teaching a range of emotional lessons to help us lead more fulfilled lives - the lessons that our schools routinely forget to teach us.
What They Forgot to Teach You at School is a collection of 21 of these essential lessons, written with both humour and humanity. The chapters are succinct - no more than 10 pages each - and don’t need to be read in order. This makes it a great book to have around to dip in and out of, or a satisfying one-sitting read if you have a clear afternoon.
A few notable, and I hope helpful, outtakes…
To fail is the norm - “The point is not whether or not we will mess up but just how badly and in what area. Failure is the ineluctable norm.”
Managing moods - “Though we may be unable to shift a mood, we can at least recognised it for what it is and understand that, in the inestimable words of the prophets, with the help of a few hours or days, it too shall pass…”
On anxiety - “Our goal should not be to banish anxiety but to learn to manage, live well around it and - when we can - heartily laugh at our anxious cravings.”
Give up on people - “We need to learn to blame and get annoyed with someone other than ourselves. We need to do something very strange: walk away.”
Love yourself - “Hating ourselves is the easy bit. Learning to give ourselves a break is the true, rare and properly adult achievement.”
We may have missed out on so many important emotional lessons as teenagers. We can curse that they have come later in life. But no matter how old we are, we mustn’t assume that it is impossible to learn new skills to help our well-being. This book offers practical guidance on how to do just that.
This book is the homework that will give you better self-understanding, improved relationships, deeper friendships, greater effectiveness at work and more fulfilment in your leisure time.
Best not to put it off or pretend the dog ate it. But get reading.
Find out more or buy the book here.