Like most people growing up in the ‘00s, my adolescent and adult identity has always been tangled up with alcohol. There were years of teenage park drinking, summers of European football watching fuelled by £2.40 pints of Fosters, house parties we were invited to, house parties we weren’t invited to but went to nonetheless, and provincial night clubs offering entry for £7 and a card to claim five free drinks. At university my halls awarded me ‘Lady of the Lash’, I was social secretary of the netball club and First Lady of a running drinking society. I continued to drink throughout my working life in London, branding breweries and rebranding wine merchants. My grandfather started a vineyard which produced wine that was drunk by The Queen.
Alcohol made me fun, cultured, worldly and refined. Didn’t it?
Giving up alcohol is easily the single best thing I’ve done for my mental health. Two years on, here’s what I’ve learnt.
I didn’t have to hit rock bottom to stop
On 1st August 2020 I woke up with yet another killer hangover. I’d finally had enough. I’d had enough of the headaches, the hot eyes and the hot palms. I’d had enough of having no energy or motivation to leave the house. I’d had enough of hours spent dozing on the sofa, flicking channels and eating carbs. I’d had enough of wondering what I’d said and how I’d behaved. I’d had enough of longing hours to pass and the day to end, so I could wake up tomorrow feeling human again.
I haven’t drunk alcohol since.
I wasn’t physically dependant on booze, it wasn’t outwardly ruining my life and I have never attended an AA meeting. Being sober isn’t just for people in crisis, it’s for anyone who has decided drinking alcohol is taking away more from their life than it’s giving.
“Being sober isn’t just for people in crisis, it’s for anyone who has decided drinking alcohol is taking away more from their life than it’s giving.”
I’ve created a version of not drinking that works for me
I’m a no alcohol, not low alcohol girl. I tend to stick to softs. I find it easier to remove the taste of wine and beer all together, than drink 0% alternatives. I have an understanding husband and supportive friends who I am comfortable being around when they are drinking, and am able to remove myself – no questions asked – if I’m not.
I find alcohol adverts increasingly unhelpful, so I’ve done what I can to block them across my social media. I can still be caught unawares by photos of cocktails held in front of sunsets and children grabbing beer bottles, but I have a few sober friends who I can speak to when times are tough.
I no longer give alcohol as gifts or ‘thank you for having me to dinner’ offerings, and in the last year I’ve stopped working for drinks brands.
It’s liberating to know that I’m the one that makes the rules for my version of not drinking, and that this version can adapt and change over time.
I don’t need you to question my decision
When you’re starting something new, you don’t need to be challenged. Much like when you change jobs or become a parent or have a new partner, when you’re in the first few weeks or months of not drinking, you’re working it out, you’re finding your feet and your confidence.
The last thing you need is unsolicited advice from people who hardly know you or your situation, and you certainly don’t owe them the time to explain. So, if you’re thinking of challenging someone in any of these positions, please question or judge in silence, or even better, at home.
Counting the days helps
I downloaded an app before the end of Day 1, and in the first few weeks I opened it relentlessly. Staring at the 3, then 7, then 11 days of not drinking that it counted was both reassuring and addictive. Over time relentlessly became regularly, regularly became often, often became rarely. But 741 days on, it’s comforting to know it is there, silent and steady, always counting.
My mind is calmer, and my days are fuller
Like a lot of people, I used alcohol to self-medicate. A gin and tonic at the end of a stressful day, at glass of wine at a lunch party, mid-afternoon whiskey sours, a pint at the pub in the evening, all escalating to “whatever you’re having” and shots at a nightclub into the early hours. Next day plans would go out of the window due to the value I placed on the spontaneity needed for what I might want to do when I was drunk.
Now I can plan, I can read in bed when I wake up, I can meet friends on time, I can pick freely from a brunch menu without worrying certain dishes might make my stomach turn and I’d be hanging my head over a loo before midday.
For me, life without booze means my mind is calmer, my days are longer, and life logistics are simpler.
Sobriety is far from boring
The truth is sobriety often irritates people more than drunkenly vomiting on the street at 2am.
“But how are you going to have fun?” This is a question that I’ve been asked repeatedly since giving up alcohol. People are alarmed that, in their eyes, I’ve volunteered myself on a one-way ticket to the land of boring.
Question is, was I having fun before? In my teens and twenties, fun was wrapped up the stories I could tell the next day. In my thirties, my prioritises have changed. I still see friends, I still laugh. I just wake up the morning after feeling myself. I can now live for the days, as well as the nights.
I don’t regret any of my previous decisions, I had a great time then, and to have a great time now, I don’t need alcohol. And boy is that a relief not a punishment.
“The truth is sobriety often irritates people more than drunkenly vomiting on the street at 2am.”
The facts are frightening
I gave up alcohol because of how it made me feel. Since being booze free I have researched some of the facts, which really aren’t pretty.
Alcohol is a drug. It is classified as a Central Nervous System (CNS) depressant. Drinking alcohol disrupts the balance of neurotransmitters (chemical messengers) in your brain, which slows down neural activity and reduces the efficiency of various vital functions in your body. It’s the most accessible and the deadliest drug we have.
Alcohol is the biggest killer. The World Health Organisation estimates risks linked to alcohol cause 2.5 million deaths worldwide each year from heart and liver disease, road accidents, suicides, and cancer.
Alcohol and mental ill health are closely linked. It might briefly make you feel more relaxed or more confident, but alcohol can also exacerbate feelings of anxiety and depression. And because it can make you lose your inhibitions and act more impulsively; it may lead to actions such as self-harm or suicide.
Alcohol is the new tobacco. There were three key factors that led to the blockbuster success of Big Tobacco throughout the twentieth century despite the mountains of evidence that said it was killing us. The alcohol industry has copied them all, they’ve consolidation of market, they’ve engineered consent and they’ve engineered controversy. Chapter 3 of Holly Whitaker’s book is eye-opening.
The facts didn’t stop me drinking, but they’ve helped me continue to be sober.
It isn’t easy, but it gets easier
For me the early days were the hardest. I was high on adrenalin and used to masking stress and negative thoughts with a drink. Take that away and you’re laid bare, and in my case, incredibly fidgety.
Instead of lifting a drink to my mouth I’ve had to focus on other things that could keep my hands busy and my mind calm. I’ve read more, I’ve drawn more, I’ve written more, I’ve knitted more.
When out with friends it has always been saying no to the first drink that is the hardest, but once that’s done, I can settle into the evening.
When things feel tricky, and I feel tempted to reach for the bottle or give into someone’s plea “why not just one?” I remind myself of how good sleep feels with no booze in my veins, and how it brilliant it is to wake up without a hangover.
Nice glasses, citrus fruit and herbs are key
There are more soft drink options than Diet Coke and Elderflower Cordial. Who knew?
I still love the ritual of making and enjoying an early evening drink. So, I invest in nice glasses, I make sure the fruit bowl is filled with citrus, and the freezer with ice.
A wedge of lime, a slice o’ orange, a twist of grapefruit will sex up any drink. And herbs, they’re my secret weapon, a garnish that’ll give your bev both wholesome forager vibes and a scent sensation with every sip.
“Never again is a long time, never again can feel overwhelming, and charged with bags of unnecessary pressure.”
“Will you never drink again?” Another popular, but unhelpful question. Never again is a long time, never again can feel overwhelming, and charged with bags of unnecessary pressure.
I don’t know how long I won’t drink for. But I continually remind myself that it’s not that I can’t drink alcohol, I’ve chosen not to. The rules are mine.
In all decisions, there are losses and gains. And for me, for now, the gains continue to reveal themselves and obliterate the ever decreasing losses.
My sobriety doesn’t have to be forever, but it is for today.
If you’re curious about reducing how much alcohol you drink or if you or someone else is looking for support to stop, here are a few resources that might be useful.
Me? I Don’t Drink Any More - Article by Clemmie Telford
Quit like a Woman: The Radical Choice Not To Drink in a Culture Obsessed with Alcohol - Book by Holly Whitaker
This Naked Mind - Podcast with best-selling author Annie Grace who invites you to explore the role of alcohol in our lives and culture without rules, pain, or judgement.
NHS Alcohol Support - Advice for reducing or giving up alcohol
Alcohol and Mental Health - Information from Mental Health Foundation
Alcohol and Mental Health - Information from Drink Aware
My Drink Aware App - Free app to track your alcohol consumption, calculate units and calories and set goals to help you moderate your drinking
Sober Time App - Daily counter to keep track of the days you haven’t drunk
The Sober Girl Society - The community for sober and sober curious women
No Booze Babes - Supporting your booze-free life, normalising and glamorising sobriety
A Sober Girls Guide - The modern guide for changing your relationship with alcohol
Alcoholics Anonymous - Community to help you live a new way of life without alcohol
I’d love to know what you thought of this article. What’s your relationship to alcohol? Have you, like me, reduced how much you drink? Do you know of any useful resources for people thinking of drinking less? Please leave a comment below.